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[ website | anathemum.blogspot ]
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[24 Apr 2008|07:42am]
[ mood | Dead ]

So two other artist friends and I started an art blog.


Go check it out. Now.

I flee!

1... our ideas they die so quickly

This is the beginning of forever. [10 Nov 2007|03:08am]
You smoke so much because you love it. Because it feeds you the way no other thing can. You consume the billowing smoke and feel a little more alive with every breath. It furthers your creativity and loveliness. It reminds you that not everything is so simple, that cigarette is simple. And your love for that cigarette is simple. Like love should be.

To find that which moves us to the brink is life's true aspiration. Within us is extacy wating to be uncovered; unearthed is our passion waiting. Breathe, and life pulses around you. Touching in the darkness of eachother's arms brings me to new places I could have never hoped to reach. You are warm, teeming with life and falling beyond this and these labels. You are bringing me to a better place, making me reach higher and farther, for you, for me. For us. Let us not just smell the flowers as we pass, but consume them, absorbing knowledge and wisdom and maintaining a better understanding of things, of people, of love and life. Breathe again, and familiar smells dominate your senses. Memories are built upon our senses. Smell, taste, color, touch, sight, sound; they all activate the reel to reel movies in our head, projecting things far and long since unseen. I taste you and know this is everything I could ever want, and my soul swells with adoration and placidity.

You have given me thousands of reasons to stay. And you're making it worth my while.

(I've been gone a while. Lover and I broke up, I moved to Fredericksburg, and now we're sort of back together. Life is fucking insane. Ask me about it.)
2... our ideas they die so quickly

[11 Jul 2007|11:36pm]
Not really dead but close to it. My birthday came and went. My family and John made it worthwhile. He took me out to see Ratatouille, since I have a thing for rats. Bought me a car stereo with a CD player and an input for an IPod and stuff. It was nice. John and my ratty children are the only things that keep me grounded these days.

I need to work on my story more.

Beyond that I've been tormenting myself to write and draw. I have been a bit, but not enough. It's building up, I can tell. And it will release itself with a vengeance.
2... our ideas they die so quickly

Mechanized Sainthood [21 Jun 2007|12:06am]

Did this recently as a birthday gift for a friend. I started this saint series a while back involving "unconventional" but traditional saint looking paintings and this is another installment I guess. Stretch canvass, mod podged on newspaper for texture and to add some resistance to the paint so it didn't adhere as well in some parts (intentional). Acrylic paint.

As an early birthday gift I got a car and a sewing machine. Love the car to death. The sewing machine is giving me tension issues, although it sews just dandy. I have a strong desire to create now, despite work still kicking my ass.

My roommate Amanda and I acquired two turtles from a friend. They're aquatic so they swim around and do silly things. We feed them minnows and they chase them around the tank and glomp them up. Their names are Dahmer and Gunness, a boy and girl. Hopefully a visit to the vet will fix any unanswered questions. We think they are map turtles. They're adorable.

I'm spending more money than I know I should. I should stop.
our ideas they die so quickly

Squid? Again?! [14 May 2007|11:41pm]

This is the very loose sketch I did for the rest of the sleeve design around the squid. Sort of a sunken lost city behind the squid with some little pink jellyfish and an anchor. I suppose it has a meaning, hope being so close to either failure or a secret, the secret being the sunken city and hope being the anchor. I love the bright colors. I wish I had cleaned up the sketch a bit. Mebbe I will.

People always ask "Why a squid?" And they say it with mild confusion and perhaps even disgust. Because I like it, that's why. I also have had several people at work as if it's fake or temporary... which goes without saying is dumb.

My roommate Amanda and I went to the gym for the first time today. I gained a significant amount of weight within the last year and especially throught my 8 months of unemployment and I know I need to work it off and get in shape. I have lost weight since I started working at Red Robin back in March but in order for my body to lose more weight, I'm going to have to do more than just eat less and be on my feet all day. I need to work out. But then she made me walk up four flights of stairs right after the gym and I just about died. Also, my back has been spasming because John and I sleep on a futon, or wooden planks with three inches of padding between us and the planks. Heh, planks. Pirates. Anyway....

Taking my bebee rat Ziti back to the vet tomorrow. I'm nervous as to what the vet has to say. I love that little girl so much. I'm getting her tattooed on me. She's my baby girl and I love her like a child.

Stretched ears up to zero. I have some pretty red glass spirals in them. I also have tunnels but I'm lazy. I get a lot of questions about them too. Maybe because I'm a girl doing it which is uncommon in my group of friends. Tattoos however, are not. Either way, peh.
our ideas they die so quickly

Poor Ziti [03 May 2007|01:53am]
[ mood | depressed ]

So I took Ziti to the vet the other day. It only cost me $30, I was expecting much more. I really liked the veterinarian as well. He was nice and he said he'd raised a rex rat from a baby so I felt he could understand.

Ziti has an eye infection in her right eye caused by a scratch probably while fighting with Lilith. She has gone blind in that eye as a result. The girls are to be kept separate for the remainder of their lives since putting them back together could cause further injury.

To make light of the situation, Ziti is now a pirate. And she will fuck you all up.

I'm really sad about it, though.

2... our ideas they die so quickly

I must persuade you another way [17 Apr 2007|10:48pm]
[ mood | cramped ]

I'm feeling vulnerable the past few days. As if everyone can see right through me despite me having nothing that severe to keep secret.

I'm finding signs of current loyalties beginning to atrophy. Although I have nothing new to replace anyone with, I still feel my relationships beginning to decay. I feel alone, despondent, and in constant physical pain. It's gnawing at me.

I feel drawn by strong emotions that I cannot name nor understand clearly. They pull me and drag me to places I know nothing about. I lose myself in them. I cry for no reason. I get overwhelmed at nothing. The feelings are not ones of sadness or regret. I can't describe them.

Everything is futile. Nothing matters. I need a change.

our ideas they die so quickly

Plant. [31 Mar 2007|02:44am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

So after working all this week I have saturday off. To do what exactly, I have no idea. The job isn't that bad and it goes by fast. I never clock watch. I'm sure that won't last for long. I take my certification on sunday and start making tips that same day. Hopefully next week I can pick up some doubles in addition to morning shifts.

I need to get more containers to plant my seeds in. I've run out. I also found out that Morning Glories are annuals, and I was extremely upset by this. Which means I need to find a perennial vine that flowers just as beautifully. Although only about 4 inches tall, they are doing so well. After they sprouted the little buggers shot up. I can see the sprouts of my other plants which include Rosemary, Mint, and Lavender for the time being. I also have Sage, Thyme and Basil I believe but have yet to plant them.

I wish I could have window boxes, but do not want to remove the screens from my bedroom windows. It would be much easier. However I was thinking to modify the small bathroom window into having an extended shelf/window sill or add a small shelf unit in the frame to sit plants on, seeing as its only about a 2.5 foot tall window, about 3 foot wide. Once I get some money I will have to see what my options are.

I view growing plants as sort of an intimate thing between nature and the gardener, a ballet composed of moisture and the sun. Perhaps once we get a deck built I will be more inclined to leaving plants outside, whereas we only have the concrete front porch now which can barely hold three of us if were smoking all at once let alone Rosemary and Morning Glories.

I have a ten gallon fishtank lying around and I was contemplating another attempt at Venus fly traps. They need a humid environment and the tank would be perfect. I tried three times in the past to grow them and keep them alive but to no avail. The only thing I could keep alive in my apartment was cactus, and not even the succulents. The hard barbed ones.

When I found out the flower was glued to the top of my cactus, I lost all hope in the Wal-Mart garden center.

I would love to take a trip to a nursery but the odds of such an outing are slim seeing as though I'm having trouble giving my seedlings enough sun.

our ideas they die so quickly

Thriftage plus Jasmine [25 Mar 2007|04:28am]
[ mood | comatose ]

So I got a real job.

Finally, right?

I'm a server at Red Robin. I start on monday.

I went to six different thrift stores today with my Dad and sister up in the Alexandria/Falls Church area. It was a blast. Got some cool stuff. I was mainly after glass bottles to store my herbs and shit in but I found some other neat things. Mostly brass.

I was attracted to brass today. Got a cool looking etched brass vase, a good sized brass censer, a small brass bowl shaped kinda like a lotus, and a brass box which currently contains my incense.

Then we went to my faaaaavorite restaurant in the whole world which is in Falls Church. And then I bought loose Jasemine tea from an oriental food store a few doors down from the restaurant. It smells so good and flowery. It came in this mustard colored tin with black and copper scrolling that has "Jasmine Tea" written in 3 different languages on it. It was less than 5 bucks for a good amount of it. And I bought one of those small chinese tea cups. Ya know, the ones with no handles? Yeah.

Now I need a teapot. Like a ceramic or stainless steel or porcelain one.

Cleaned my room some more. Moved the rat cage outta the way. Cleaned off my studio desk and put away a lot of crafting crap into their respective drawers in the storage containers. Accumulated 5 bags of trash in about an hour of good solid cleaning. My bed is covered in clothes and crap and I wanna sleep but I don't wanna clean it off cause I'm tired. I'll probably just push it off the side.

The other day when I was at Walmart with my mom buying work pants and no slip shoes I bought some seed packets and planted them in containers that now sit on my windowsill. I got rosemary, mint, sage, thyme, and lavender. I didn't wanna buy potting soil so I just went out into the backyard and dug some up. Since it's everywhere. Found lots of earthworms. I already had a pot of Morning Glory's and they have just sprouted! I'm excited.

I'm sleeping now. Leave me alone.

8... our ideas they die so quickly

Don't use the flash!!! [12 Mar 2007|05:40pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Tracy and I visited DC yesterday. We got some much needed coffee and provisions (ie. chocolate glazed donut woot and Tracy breakfast sammich extrordinaire) before we headed to the metro. We hopped on the metro at Springfield and rode allllll the way around to L'Enfent Plaza on the blue line instead of transfering to yellow at King Street or the Pentagon or something. It's mostly because I enjoy the metro and Tracy was willing to accomodate that. The people, the smells, the fear if not seated that you will fall on your ass....

When we got there, I was elated. Tracy was a bit nauseated. Heheh.

We walked to the Hirshorn gallery first. It's this very distinct round building which is raised in the air and supported by several arched pillars. Tracy poined out little seizmic boxes in some of the gallery rooms and informed me that it was because of the peculiar foundation of the building. Whether or not that's true is unknown, but I will believe it because Tracy told me so and she is smarter wiser and prettier than me. And she will hit me if I defy her logic.

First we went to the sculpture garden, but not before Tracy took pictures of mustangs and corvettes lining up for a St. Patrick's Day parade for her brother. Once inside the sculpture garden, I found it necessary to make awkward and silly poses that accentuate my flub next to some of them while Tracy took pictures. It was a beautiful day too.

(see larger pictures at Tracy's myspace page.)

Then we went inside. I really enjoyed the gallery and the works. The sculptures, paintings, and installations were really impressive. But there was some Mondrian who I dun like so much but it was only two pieces so it didn't ruin the day. It was all colorful and the circular nature of the building made it easy to see everything. It was warm but not too warm. It was a perfect day.

(see bigger ones at my myspace page)

Then we walked to the National Gallery's modern art building. Which sucked. I did get to see some Picasso, but we some of his work in the Hirshorn, and then some Roy Lichtenstein which was the best part. Oh and that giant mobile on the ceiling. But there were about 10 times as many people in the National Gallery as there were in the Hirshorn and it was hot and muggy and there was no air circulation and it smelled like a barn. It might have been the high school students. But Tracy and I were there for 15 minutes before we decided to blow that popsicle stand.

Then we popped into Springfield mall so Tracy could find some hottness to deck herself out in for St. Patrick's Day. We went into Hot Topic and apparently I was being hit on by one of the male employees, but I think he was just trying to discourage me from shoplifting since I had my big bag with me. Then we went into JCPenny and I lost Tracy and started to freak out but it turns out she was just in a fitting room. So I went and looked at prom dresses to make myself feel fat and poor.

Our legs were numb and Tracy had road rage on the way home but I had a great time.

Later that evening when John got home we went out to Outback and ate some good foodness and saw 300. They kept to the story really well and did great justice to the colors Lynn Varley used. They added some side story but it fit well. I did fall asleep several times because of medication and pure exhaustion but I really did enjoy the movie.

Hooray for good days.
4... our ideas they die so quickly

I want you to scrape my from the wall and go crazy like you've made me. [10 Mar 2007|09:44pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So I dyed my hair. Well, I didn't dye it. Tracy helped me dye it and in turn I destroyed her bathroom. I tried not to twitch, really I did. But I'm a hopeless spazz. I had to shampoo it twice just to get all the dye out despite me having less hair then before cause of the shaving. I had to lean over and put my head in the bathtub while she poured water over my hair and "accidentally" into my ears and mouth. I think she had it out for me. Above is crap cell phone pics and a crap oekaki thing I did that doesn't even look like me, but that's how my hair looks, both up and down.

I love you, Tracy, but I think I have an ear infection.

Was a roadie for my dad today for his DJ gig. I had fun, but I guess my sister and I looked a little dodgy since I have pink and green hair and was wearing a new Tool shirt and she has a dreaded mohawk. But whatever, I had fun. I danced to Love Shack by the B52's but because I haven't punched a new hole in my belt, my pants were falling down. Hah.

I am going to the museums in DC with Tracy tomorrow. Prolly the art ones. Mostly, I'm excited about riding the metro, which is the only public transportation that I enjoy. I feel so fancy and urban when I do it, like I have somewhere important to go. And walking around DC is always an adventure as well. I hate the suburbs.
our ideas they die so quickly

At the risk of feeling exposed... [07 Mar 2007|05:34pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

My head hurts and I feel soooo sleepy because of the Klonopin. I also have horrible nightmares whenever I get really deep sleep which is perhaps why I choose the light crappy sleep.

Had my first therapy appointment today. I haven't been to therapy in over a year and I saw some major crack pots in the past. I'm hesitant to say that I like her at such an early stage, but I think I might. She had my mom come in which really made me anxious to the point where I was having trouble breathing. The therapist wanted to focus mostly on my childhood from my mother's point of view. At the risk of sounding... narcissistic? I'll tell you anyway.

Apparently throughout childhood I was always very intelligent but sometimes lacked the focus. If there were too many things on my plate, one of them would always fall behind. My parents also thought I had a photographic memory as a kid but it's more of just an extreemly vivid visual memory that I utilize even today. I started reading at 3 years old and I would read books with either my mom or dad every night. My father thought that all the books I was reading so well were memorized. So he bought me new books and I could read them and it scared him. Even though I was always active in sports and in school, I never had any friends. I played soccer for 3 or 4 years until I was 15 or 16 and stopped because of my knees. But even though I was a crucial part of the team and I gave it everything I had, I never felt like a real part of the team. So I started acting out and being purposely obnoxious in order to get attention, which I still do even now.

Things like this scare me. I'm going to go lie down.

Also, I shaved the underside of my head. It feels sooooo good.

2... our ideas they die so quickly

SAAAAANDWOOOORM!!! [02 Mar 2007|02:09am]
[ mood | creative ]

Apologies for the crappy cell phone pics. But see? I told ya I made a sandworm pendant. Well, it's more like a crazy sandworm fetus with its tiny tail. It doesn't look exactly like the ones from Beetlejuice but the colors are correct and it's cute so there. It is now my favorite necklace.

I sculpted it out of fimo polymer clay and painted with acrylics and sealed.

What the hell, I'll take commissions for pendants like dis. HA! Email me or some crap.

I seriously will be taking commissions for fimo pendants and junk. Check my deviantart page for details
6... our ideas they die so quickly

Bastards from saturn [01 Mar 2007|09:13pm]
I had this brilliant idea last night to make a sandworm pendant. Ya know, Tim Burton Beetlejuice style? With the black and white stripes and one head inside the other? I did, and I just have to paint it but so far I'm entirely satisfied.

THEN I had the second brilliant idea to sculpt a huuuuuge sandworm using Super Sculpey, armature wire and tin foil. Problem is, one box of super sculpey is like $15. And I'd wanna buy two just to be sure I didn't run out. I'd also prolly buy a wooden base. Ugh. I really really want to do this but the expense is too much. Unless I intend on selling it in which case I'd prolly sell it for about $150-$250. Plus shipping. Cause it WILL be heavy and the post office will hate me.

La la la. I'm uncomfortable.
1... our ideas they die so quickly

[27 Feb 2007|11:58pm]
[ mood | mrajralkajsh ]

Ok John found the gauge. Damn him.

My mom took me to the craft store and I got more fimo and more jewelry stuff. Hooray. I have plans for making a little gas mask necklace and a koi necklace and a dia de los muertos necklace for my sister. I'm bored and I'm going to go play with the ratties and then make some crap.

our ideas they die so quickly

[26 Feb 2007|09:32pm]

I lose those fucking gauges all the fucking time. They slide out and I dont notice it and they are fucking expensive and if I don't fill the hole in my ear with something 2 gauge then it will fucking close up and it will take me forever to get them back cause I suck and have no fucking money to buy the stretching sizes I fucking need and my tattoo itches and I can't find that fucking gauge anywhere!

Fuck fuck fuck I fucking hate this fucking shit.
our ideas they die so quickly

No mas! [24 Feb 2007|07:31pm]
[ mood | hungover ]

No more drinking for a while. I have never felt so sick. I think it was the vicodin that was the straw that broke the camels back. I did manage to get down a grilled cheese sammich earlier but I've just had water otherwise. I'm so dehydrated.

I made some cool fimo necklaces. I made an owl and a squid and a huge spiral thing. Maybe I'll post pictures.

I had this insane idea to start selling crap. Who knows if I'll actually do it.

5... our ideas they die so quickly

Squidly and craftness [22 Feb 2007|09:47pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I went and got my squid outline done yesterday. And I have to say that getting your upper arm tattooed is a piece of cake. Of course I wimpered the first bit but after a few minutes I was good. The further he got up to my shoulder cap where the bone is was slightly more painful, but the rest was cake. Good cake too. Greg suggested we turned the tv on, and Tracy, Greg, and I watched some Discovery Channel and then Scrubs. While watching the show "How it's Made" they were showing the process for making a tattoo machine and giving a tattoo, and all of us cringed at the poor quality of it. We chatted the whole time and I was completely able to carry on a conversation, whereas my lower back was a bitch and I could barely breathe let alone say anything coherent. Two weeks and it's color time! Then hopefully we're adding on to it. I kinda was thinking about some silly little shrimp chilling around him, but I'll most likely go with some type of water dwelling flower or coral or something with bubbles and waves and junk. I want it to be so girly, though. With cuteness and crap. Greg is awesome. Get tattooed by him. Now.

Lately I've been doing a lot of crafting. I have sooooo many craft supplies and I just haven't been in the right mood until about a week ago. I finished some gifts for Tracy and made a bunch of fimo clay horns to wear by way of string tied around your head. About a year ago I ganked a bunch of the stuff from a craft store and it's just been sitting around. I had a bunch of white and one little brick of silver. I made the horns with the white clay and painted them with acrylics and then sealed them. They are so fucking cute. I made four pairs of them and painted three of them. The other set I dunno what to do with them color wise. I'll figure it out. The silver clay I think will be made into new plugs for my ears or something cause I need to size them up again and despite having a $25 gift card to Steelnavel.com I don't have a credit card to link it to. Plus, the stuff at anotherhole.com is way cooler and a lot less expensive for a lot better quality. Whee! I want more clay.

I also happen to be an extreme pack rat and tend to horde and collect all these little useless objects such as buttons and beads and bells and little plastic toys and pretty bottle caps and all sorts of junk. I'm like a magpie working on a nest. So I never know what to do with them and now I've had this craving to make jewlery out of them. So I did. Example. I had this inch by inch square earring that has a silver border and a little skull photograph inside it. I misplaced its mate and I don't really wear regular earrings except in my second hole and they were too heavy so I never wore them. So I took it apart and strung it on a chain and it looks cute. I'm such a cheese but I've always enjoyed wearable crafts.

I have sooo much fabric too. I horde that as well. And I would sew more but sewing by hand is a bitch and a half and my sewing machine got stolen from my old apartment. I keep nagging John to buy me a new machine "if he really loved me" buuuuut I don't think he'll ever do it. Guilt doesn't work on him although I wish it did. And I just got all this rad vintage fabric from my Yaya that I wanted to make some stuff out of but there is no way in hell that I will sew it all by hand. I have a TON of yarn too but I just haven't been in a knitting mood either, although I do need a new scarf..... Bah! So much crafting, so little time.

If someone gave me $100 and let me loose in a craft store or an antique shop I would first probably wet myself with excitement and then go to town. I love you crafting. I loveses you.

So the ratties like to nibble on our fingers now. And Ziti will lick your fingers and try and bite off your fingernail. It's hilarious. I let her do it as much as she wants cause she's just nibbling and I love her. Lilith is funny too. I want another rat (What! Are you crazy, woman?!) to snuggle with.


our ideas they die so quickly

Cephalopodicus [18 Feb 2007|02:33am]
[ mood | curious ]

Getting new tattoo from Greg on wednesday. I'm excited. It will be based off the doodle I did above. It's this little bioluminescent squid called a firefly squid that lives around Japan. It's bloody adorable. Also, last night I had this brilliant idea of doing a chess board with the pieces based of marine creatures both reality and fantasy. I think it would be rad. I would make the actual pieces from sculpy or fimo or something. The only thing that would suck is I would have to make two of each. John bought for me this really radical looking Lego Bionicle creature with little red spikes and a huge pincher claw and it shoots these little gummy squid lookin things from a little slingshot type device. It's so cute.


our ideas they die so quickly

[15 Feb 2007|09:18pm]
[ mood | fat and destructive ]

I got bored and decided to dye the front of my hair green. Since I had no bleach I figured it would turn out dark and I was wrong. It turned out black. I was mad and cut 5 inches of the front of my head and made bangs. Ta-da. This is all I did today.


Edit: Also, Valentines was boring. I did nothing. My sister came and saw me and brought me a card and some chocolate but that was the extent of my day. Oh wait, I ordered chinese and felt bad for the delivery guy because of the several inches of snow and ice covering everything so I met him half way down the steep steps in front of my house and gave him a good tip. The chinese delivery guy is always grateful for the tip... I reckon he doesn't get much from other people. Also, I can see the green in my hair if I look at it while looking at the computer monitor....

2... our ideas they die so quickly

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